You're gone...

The first day of POA lesson without you with me.
The first time you past by me without a hi or a bye.
The first time we went tuition without holding hands.
The first time you didn't even bother about me.
The first time you didn't look at me.
The first time you didn't walk me back home.
The first time you did not wake me up for school and meet me to walk to school.
The first time we didn't even walk to tuition together.
The first time we didn't have lunch after school.
The first time the girl beside you during a movie isn't me.
The first time you wished you could send her home.
The first time you lied to me about dinner with your relative.

I missed us. The old us. You've changed. Totally changed.but I don't know why I still can't bear to let you go? Why I still feel the pain? I am hating you for treating me like this. I am hating you for not being close to me like before. I hate you for treating me like air. I hate how you can live without me unlike the past. I hated us now.

But why do I still feel the pain? The disappointments. The hurt you've given me? Why do I still love you? I just wished that you're back here right beside me.. Why? After so many things you've done, why can't I just hate you and not have feelings for you anymore? Why am I so silly? Why you can be so happy without me with you? Why are things becoming more and more complicated? Why don't you even miss me a single bit? Am I that bad? Or am I so unworthy? Or is it that I meant nothing to you from the start?

Why am I still tearing for you? I thought I could be hard- hearted after all these. I thought that I will never drop another drop of tears for you. Yet, I couldn't and I still did. Why? I just missed being close to you, having fun with you, laugh together with you. I hate being strangers with you. Totally.