Planned to meet Shadame, Chang yen, Rachel and Julisa for lunch. Asked Sean to tag along. Haha, supposed to meet him today for lunch anyway. Last minute then got to know about poa class at 3pm! Haiz, don't know if I should go or not.. Find it a little meaningless since teacher doesn't really care about us but the sec 4. Haha, oh well.. Hope that it's not compulsory.
Well, like what I've said.. Felt that I should have saved my pictures few days before yesterday before this incident had happened.. But what to do? It's already gone :( I miss looking at certain pictures of us. Makes me feel like i didn't cherish it double times! Of course, I know what I've promised and told others. However, at times, I really can't take it. Even looking through certain messages or pictures, remembering the silly, happy and funny times we had together just put a smile on my face unknowingly.
However, I knew it clearly myself that things are different. Even if no matter how much I cling to it, there won't be any changes.. Of course, I don't know about the future. But the thought of all these gone, GONE! It really scares me. I am just trying to talk normally to you as a friend. But, your replies are cold.
This makes me wonder then. All these happened because of something that is not within our control. I know that you said hurtful words to me which really hurts me badly. There could be possibilities of reasons. Maybe you really mean it? Or maybe you just don't want me to get hurt further by pushing me away. In fact, the more you do this, the more I can't stop thinking of the reasons. There's a lot of "why?" in my head, my heart. All unanswered. Maybe that's just me. I'm always looking for answers.
All this sums up to one question : " All these time, how much do I weigh in your heart? How important am I to you? How much of what you told me in the past is true?" If you could forget about us, about me and think of other people now, I don't know how should I feel now. The thought of forgetting about me scares me a lot. It just shows that i'm not important to you and doesn't weigh much in your heart at all...Especially, the times we went through together.. The words you've said.. Looking at what you posted, I never have thoughts that it would be me but other people. Well, there's someone you can let go even after your first. So, I'm not surprised. But, if it's like this... It really makes me think that you are just toying with me and of course, I hope not. Even when I took my courage to ask, you told me it isn't her. I still feel that it's her. I really just can't stop thinking about it. It just shows how insecure I've felt. Of course, what you've typed could meant other things but... this just seemed to have a higher possibility.. :/
Seriously, I shouldn't be thinking about this right now. Although I'm determined, but I'm even more determined to do well for my 'O' levels. I'm looking forward to better life in poly. If only the sweet things doesn't end now but is also in my poly life. How great.Haiz, gotta focus on my priority first! Although both are, but exams determines my future so... Alright, time to prepare and study a little before meeting my buddies for lunch. Can't afford to ruin my POA! So, everything's locked up and more studying after lunch! :>
No comments:
Post a Comment