Recent updates! (:

So, it's my birthday on 161012!
I've turned 17 years old! Haha(: what satisfaction? Had awesome celebrations with friends by having lunch at Ehub Hong Kong Streats cafe and Fatfish steam boat at night with my lovely family! It's totally awesome! Although if he is here too, everything would be so perfect... I guess, it'll never happen though.. Well, at least the birthday wish from him made my day too. Was quite surprised..? Though I'm kinda jealous as someone else seems super close to him right now... :/ No point getting upset over it. Well, anyway, I've enjoyed my birthday a lot! I appreciated all the birthday wishes and thankful to Shadame, Chang Yen, Julisa and Rahel for planning an advanced birthday celebration with me due to exams. They really surprise me alot! Glad to meet them in my kind of miserable secondary school life. They light up my mood every single time! (:

Today is 191012.
Went to study with Rachel, CK, Jeremy. KJ was there too, JM joined after. Stomachache the whole day. Didn't know what's wrong with my digestive system recently... Was sick yesterday though. Luckily I got better today to make it for studying! Went to the toilet and when I came back... Guess what? I saw him! :/ Didn't know to be happy or sad. I've been seeing him frequently every single day. At least 2-3 times. Fate, or is it just god playing with me?! Haiz... This whole thing just seemed so weird... :/ Oh well, everything's after os now! 3 more days to O levels! How scary is that? O.o hope vetting turns out well! :D good luck and all the best to those who are taking O's this year! Especially my close and lovely ones! 

I miss you..

The story of us... I miss it alot.. How can you pretend that there's nothing between us at all.. :/ I wish things do get better and when I ask you after O levels if you still want me in your life, the answer is the one I want.. I hope that by then, things are different.. Different in a better and good way.. I really miss and need you with me... :( I miss the old us before. And not by pretending every now and then.. :( I love you... I do hope that you still do, or you've find the feelings back... :/

5/10/12
You messaged me first yesterday. Upon receiving the message, I was surprised and happy. Although you messaged me to notify me that you're not going for tuition, but you asked me about if I knew that there's lesson. At least you care.. Even if it's only school matters. It really brightens my day. At least I know that you still have that tiny bit of care for me. Maybe, by leaving you alone for awhile... It at least makes you think about me.. I just hope that there's more of these.. We managed to chat alittle, and I felt happy and contented because it's been long since we've talked. Maybe you really do care but you refuse to show it to me.. I hope so too. Hope that this is the case and by end of O levels, you'll find the feeling back again.. Because I've really changed and I'm sure you've realized it too. Now that I know about the mistake, I just hope to at least try again so that I can do it better. I have never ever regretted being with you. Not for once at all. Because I didn't treasure you enough. Even if we are unable to get back together again... Then maybe it's because we aren't fated... No one knows about the future. Guess, I'll just let nature take its course. But I really do hope that you can be normal and easy with me like before. I wished that we can interact more like before...
6/10/12
I didn't know why you can just meet me right after class to get your worksheet but you didn't want instead you want to get from me on Monday, the funny thing is on Sunday, we'll see one another in science tuition.. Maybe you just didn't want to let others know that we've interact or I don't know.. I just hope that things do change for the better. Although maybe now.. You still have got feelings for her. It's just hope but I hope it's not wishful thinking only. I hope you realize my change and find back what we've lost or we can just build it again. I'll be waiting. Because apparently, you've stolen my heart before I even knew it. You seem essential in my life now I guess. I just hope that you'll know.. Thanks for brightening my day yesterday. (: it really make me feel the hope again.. Although it may not be true. I hope that by the end of year, it doesn't come crashing down on me.. 

Missing you...

I missed you so much! I can't help it time after time to peek at you. Doubt you know this anyway. Just hope that you don't get the wrong idea from all the rumours going around. I missed you yet I can't do anything about it. All I can do is to look through all our happy memories, all our pictures. I think I somehow regretted why didn't I take more photos with your phone. So that you can have more photos of us to view at. Maybe you won't forget me so easily..? I am however glad that I have your photos with me so that I still can remember you in some ways. I am glad that I have the photos so that when I missed you, at least I still can see the times where we smile through and enjoy with one another. How I hope these few days coincidence is on purpose.. Purposely created by you such that you can see me or otherwise.. How I really hope so. But I don't dare to have that high hope.. You don't seem to care about me anymore.. No matter what, I will wait.. Even if it's disappointments and hurting time and time again.. I just hope that at least in a corner of your heart... There's still a place for me. I still love you and I am sure about it.. I just hope that there's a miracle and a chance for us together again.. I really just wish for it. Like what I've said, you're my want and my need as well. Just that I didn't show you the picture in the past. I should have done so. So that you know how important you are to me.. Just so you know at least... :(

:/

It's the 2nd of october today.. Makes me kind of upset because it's the start of my birthday month.. And I don't think that you'll wish me a happy birthday.. Needless to say giving me present or celebrate with me.. This day used to be very special to both you and me.. But I doubt it is special to you anymore. However, to me.. This date will have a special meaning. Although I'm angry or even hate you, I can't completely. There's still this feeling I have for you.. Even so, I have I pretend I don't care at all. Truly speaking, I do. Guess I couldn't let go and hate you like how others do.. I guess throughout all these while, I've grown to like you even more. Just that I didn't realized it earlier and tell you until now.. Although I think this month will be a disappointing month and most probably you're not even thinking of me for a moment, I still hope that on this special day to me there's something from you. Although today is no longer a special day for you, it is to me. I hope that my wish of us together again will be true.. Hope that this is not just wishful thinking but something that'll happen . I don't need any presents or surprises. All I want is you beside me now and in the future. I really do hope you know this..

Jealousy kills. -.-

Damn! I'm so pissed right now. Urgh! -.-
Last time can't stay up late and now what? Slept at 2.50 am?!
Worst still ! Whatsapp-ing a girl? Honestly, I seriously don't get you! -.-
And why would I care so much? Why am I so pissed and jealous? -.-
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! :/

Prelim.

Got back prelim results!

English  C5
Maths A1
Principle of accounts A1
Mother tongue A2
Combine science (physics/Chemistry) A2
Literature C6
Combine Humanities C6

Well! Enough to calculate my L1R4.
Hee hee! So happy that my L1R4 is 11. But I do hope that it can go lower.. However overall, I'm pretty satisfied! (: Just hope that during O level results release, it will be a happy occasion and not a sad one! Actually, I'm quite surprised and shocked that I could maintain and get a better result than my mid year and prep! There's just too many things happening this year. I just wished for a peaceful, calm life with no more troubles, get good O level results and if... the special someone is still with me.. (:

Heart broken.

No matter how much I miss you, I can only pretend I don't..
Even if I want to care for you, I have to pretend I don't..
How long can this last? I hope someone could give me a definite answer. However, no one could. They only told me, as time passes, things do fade away as well as the pain I feel.

I felt really heart broken seeing you like this. Knowing that the hardwork we put in together yet because of her or some reason, you actually affect the results. I really feel like hating you after all these you've done. But, I couldn't force/ make myself too... Although I'm being hurt so badly, scarred so badly... I just couldn't. I want a way of relief now.. I don't know how much longer I can pretend to be strong.. I'm very tired of all these now.. I wish things could be back like normal. Like how we used to be. Enjoying time & working hard together, lovingly... <\3

You're gone...

The first day of POA lesson without you with me.
The first time you past by me without a hi or a bye.
The first time we went tuition without holding hands.
The first time you didn't even bother about me.
The first time you didn't look at me.
The first time you didn't walk me back home.
The first time you did not wake me up for school and meet me to walk to school.
The first time we didn't even walk to tuition together.
The first time we didn't have lunch after school.
The first time the girl beside you during a movie isn't me.
The first time you wished you could send her home.
The first time you lied to me about dinner with your relative.

I missed us. The old us. You've changed. Totally changed.but I don't know why I still can't bear to let you go? Why I still feel the pain? I am hating you for treating me like this. I am hating you for not being close to me like before. I hate you for treating me like air. I hate how you can live without me unlike the past. I hated us now.

But why do I still feel the pain? The disappointments. The hurt you've given me? Why do I still love you? I just wished that you're back here right beside me.. Why? After so many things you've done, why can't I just hate you and not have feelings for you anymore? Why am I so silly? Why you can be so happy without me with you? Why are things becoming more and more complicated? Why don't you even miss me a single bit? Am I that bad? Or am I so unworthy? Or is it that I meant nothing to you from the start?

Why am I still tearing for you? I thought I could be hard- hearted after all these. I thought that I will never drop another drop of tears for you. Yet, I couldn't and I still did. Why? I just missed being close to you, having fun with you, laugh together with you. I hate being strangers with you. Totally.

Wish you were here...

 

This song totally caught me. It describes my feelings totally. The lyrics shows everything that I am thinking about you now. So much that I hope you know and you can see...:/ Exactly what I want to tell you... I wish you were here with me now. I have so much to say.. But it is left forbidden... :(

I would show you if there's a chance..