Sometimes, a flashback of what had happened will happen just like things would have been like yesterday. It might be heart-warming, happy and sad. It might cause me to miss you once again, like before but after the thing that you've done, what you've done to hurt me and left me all by myself reminded me over and over again, you aren't the one I know in the past. The one that cared for me and will always be by my side no matter what happens. This made me realized, it's a right choice to not chase after you but to hold myself back and move on all by myself. It shall just be treated as part of a long lost memory and a fairytale that would never ever happen in reality.

Taiwan trip.

Back from Taiwan on the 22nd march. The 5 day trip was fun and all. Shall post the pictures and videos soon! This trip sure made my family bond even closer than before when we're already very very close! Haha! Oh well(: it's good and I'm having a happy and wonderful time bonding together. Made me realized many things too! (: shall post again soon! Bye.

Short get away.

Like the title said, going off to Taiwan in less then 6 hours now! (: A short walk away from the sadness, stressful world and troubles for now! I'm sure to eat alot to get fatter before returning to Singapore(: I'll be back on the 22nd March. Though I don know if there's any readers at all but it's for me to at least keep track for my life through next time(: I am very determine to start a new chapter of my life. Start a new and forget the past. Although I'm unsure if I could, I can only have faith that as time passes, things would be better. However I guess, if there's another opportunity... If I were to try it again, I'm dumb. But I think I'll be the dumb one to try it again. Oh well, the future will determine itself. I'm too lazy to care anymore. Anyway, hope I'll have lots and lots of fun! ^^ bye peeps! Anything contact me through whatsapp! Don't message and call me! (: goodnight!

Updates~

It's been long since I blog I guess.
I'm done with my enrolment matters for now. I'm glad to do it together with Shadame! (: It's quite tiring recently as I'm sleeping late due to afternoon naps and ending work late. Heard some bad news that some people are in the same school as me again... Haiz, kind of disappointing. Oh well, guess I won't be so ' lucky' to see them and I hope not! Looking forward to the start of poly and I hope that I can cope with the life there. Glad that my school and Shadame's is so near! It's only beside one another!! :D looking forward to what's planned for me ahead and experiencing new things(: that's all for school and stuff.

Well, somehow recently the feeling came back again. Had a long chat with Shadame and it's nice! Glad to have such a nice friend around and I'm glad that I met her ever since the first day of my secondary school life. Epic incident that made us friends though. XD I'll never forget that day! I just hope that things will get normal again between someone and I. I just hope to end everything ASAP before my trip to Taiwan on the 17th April. However, I doubt that it's possible since that person is dragging it. I'm getting very exhausted. All I hope is that we could still be friends. If its possible, I hope that at least we can be like before, whereby we could pour out problems to one another and back to being best friends if there's no chance of repairing that relation of ours. There's work tomorrow and I don't feel like going... :( afternoon shift on a Friday and Saturday? It seriously sucks. Both days I can't enjoy at all. More of like I'm getting bored and tired which makes me reluctant to go work. I just feel like getting a long long break from everything. I just wish that when school starts, I'm freshed up to accept every challenge ahead of me and I don't think so deeply into things any more. Maybe sometimes, looking situation at superficial level makes life simpler and easier. Definitely  happier I guess. Anyway, shall get gifts for all my friends from Taiwan! (; I just hope I don't lose contact with them! Well, they are the ones that helped me through many difficult times during my secondary school life and I'm glad to know and have them in my life! (: Well, time to sleep now!
Goodnight! ^^

I don't know how much longer I can take it. The thought of it scares me and my heart aches hearing those kind of news. I'm scared that what they said was true. I can't help thinking of all sorts of possibilities. I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like I still can't take it. All I can do is wish and hope that it's not like how others told me about. It feels hopeless. I hate it this way.

我的心里一直都有个疑问。人都会有感觉，自己不想被伤害但是却伤害别人。为什么人会那么忍心去伤害一个自己曾经所深爱过的人。付出那么多的感情难道就会完全变得不存在了吗? 如果真是这样，为什么当时要选择开始爱对方? 如果长久的感情可以一瞬间，一天内化为乌有，那么整个相爱的过程还拥有它的意义吗? 那么，起初为什么要多此一举，花那么多心思让对方爱上你? 我不明白这么做的意义。。

Yay! I'm so happy that I got into the course I wanted ever since secondary 3. It's a target and a dream I shared with someone. I hope that he got something he like and will excel too(: all the best to all!

我不知道你会不会，有没有读我的部落格但是如果你有，我只想告诉你我很抱歉。对不起因为当时的我感到很没有安全感、乱发脾气、伤害了你，让你伤心而忽略了你，完全没体会你的感受和困境。如果再有一次的机会，我一定会弥补而且会做的更好。决定权在你的手里。我只希望是个好结果因为我还是爱着你的... 如果你有读的话，去看看只属于我们两个的部落格再做决定吧。我只希望你会想清楚自己心里要的不要再管别人说什么或给我们的眼神。因为这是我们之间的事，与他们无关。如果你愿意，我只想告诉你要进去的密码和以前的一样。我没改到。 你还是可以用你的任何一个电邮户口进去。☻我只能希望是最好的。 对不起我没有把我心里的真真的想法、真相和感觉告诉你因为当时的我放不下面子。对不起... ☹ ♡

Looking forward to thursday! ~

I can't wait for Thursday  Finally it's mummy's off day and.... She PROMISED me to help me dye my hair! :D Waited so long to try. Guess it's once in a life time? Just trying out for experience and experiment:b Hope that it turns out well although first time, the colour may turn out to be quite dark. :x However, I guess that there's no harm trying right? haha. Cough still hasn't go away yet.. How I wish it disappear soon! It's killing me and being sick caused me to lose weight again! :( There's work later:x got to prepare soon and maybe have lunch with Michelle? :b Yeap! She has the same name as me. hahaha! Update soon!

我累了

我感到很累了。自己明知道有些不可能但还是依然抱着那丝希望。不管自己伤痕累累，依然坚持下去。是不是只要做错，选错无论把自己变得多好，怎么改变都不值得多一次的机会？就算如此，可以不可以给我一个确定的答案？要就是要，不要就是不要。反正自己已经被伤害，自己知道下场如何还是不听被人说的就是为了要得到真正的答案。为什么要一直拖下去呢？不如就一次过翻出来说，说完就结束了。不要在假装关心，不要再做出一些会让人误会的举动。快快了事比起拖泥带水还来得好。这样不会浪费彼此的时间，不会再让彼此受到更大的伤害。为什么一直要给一个不确定的答案？喜欢就是喜欢。任何事都可以想办法解决。更何况，对方都说了无所谓为什么要那么自私的伤害对方？做出一方面的决定让对方和你承受那么痛苦的后果。自己觉得对对方好的不一定是最好的。我不许要你这么伟大，我只许要你在我身边和我度过每一个困难。对。爱一个人是要他/她幸福快乐。可是如果他所谓的“幸福快乐” 是装出来的呢？如果他并不是真的快乐呢？说好无论发生什么事都会在彼此得身边，会一起努力，不会伤害对方，让彼此伤心难过。可是现在的我们呢？就算还爱着对方都不能够说出口，不能让彼此知道。。有没有谁可以告诉我除了放弃还有什么办法？因为，我不会也不想放弃。不管自己感到多伤心，难过或是自己受到多大的伤害我依然选者相信你还是对我有感情的。可能这样的我，每个人都会觉得我很傻但是，我不管。因为，我觉得你是值得的。就像以前你觉得我是值得的。

No voice day! :(

Well, just a short post before I sleep!

As stated above, it's a ' No Voice Day' for me. Hardly can hear my own voice in the morning. It gets better in the afternoon but sometimes my voice just went missing.. Yes, gone! This is the worst flu I've ever gotten in my 17 years of life! Well, people laughed at my voice. :( especially Sean! Oh well, he better hope he doesn't experience this situation in the future! Had an advance revenge by freaking him out the day before. Well, so sorry to make him wait for nearly 1 1/2 hours just because I fell asleep while waiting for time to past. Bad luck for him that I forgot to off my phone's silent mode. Haha. Work yesterday was alright. Busier than usual and I'm kinda working alone. :x ATL is busy and usually he just helped me to collect the cards and take over my place when I'm having break. Haha, oh well! But it's fun working with them! (: well, officer ask me to work OT tomorrow. So funny! He just wants me to wok OT when it's his shift, haha, well got to sleep now or else I think I'll be in zombie mode tomorrow! Nights! (:

Today is a saturday, haha! My off day today. Hmm, planning to switch my off day next week to Friday to attend my sister's graduation ceremony. Release of O level's result's date is nearing. Haiz, hope that worse come to worse, I could get an average result at least.. :x Of course, I hope that I could get a good result to enter my long wished course. haha. Hmm, haven't packed my notes for Yong Bin. Gosh, I'm so lazy to even touch it. What a mountain of papers! :/ Well, stayed at home the whole day. Feels so nice hugging my baby reindeer. I miss the person who gave it to me alot. But there's nothing I can do though. haiz. I just miss the times we're happy together. The saddest thing is that you can be normal to even someone you were very angry with but not me. Even if I knew that there's little chance but I don't want to give up because I can't do it. I've tried... All I want is just to be with you happily. Just a simple life together with you each and everyday without worries like how we've started and not like this.. I bet that person won't know anything as I doubt he'll see this. If he would, he would have seen my post in our blog. :/

* Never judge a person by its cover. She may look happy outside but in actual fact, she's crying every night and bleeding inside every single time. *

It's Friday(:

Well, work today is fun as usual. I was late for 5 minutes.. :x just becuase of breakfast. ohh well.. Guess I shall just go work alone and not meet KY anymore.. Somehow, I feel that sometimes I can't communicate very well with her.. I just don't understand the way she thinks. Oh well! Anyway, my assistant team leader is always so nice towards me! (: haha, he always let me go back home earlier than I should. Guess, I just love this job more than ever! Lunch at staff canteen today. Well, I got discount for the food :b MacDonalds is expensive.. :x Plus, I had it for the past few days. Eek... should stop eating Mac for awhile! Went to meet Wei Qiang after work to get my USS ticket. Walk aimlessly around Tampines for while and get Yami yogurt. Trained back and walked home. Suddenly, I just feel like meeting someone. I guess, no one will understands how it feels like. Oh well... Anyway, met Sean and the others to have dinner together. Ended up eating at 9 plus 10... Hungry like crazy. haha. Almost watch a midnight movie with them but end up going back to home to dance with Sister and Kelvin. haha, had a fun time. well, I should sleep earlier nowadays. Lack of sleep.. :x

First day of work!

Today is the first day of work. Finally my airport pass is done! Well, working on shift period. Work was fun. The officers there are friendly and I have a free and easy job. The working environment was nice. The only bad thing was that my break time is only 30 mins everyday. :( Luckily, my officers is nice enough to extend it for me. haha. So happy. I won't even mind working OT everyday. I'm so glad and lucky that all those people I'm working with even at the previous company is all very kind, friendly and nice people. This definitely made my working environment better! ~ Sadly, I can't continue this job after I start studying poly. :x

020113- Sentosa trip and Fluffy's birthday!

It's my Baby Fluffy's birthday! ~ Although he's 5 years old but he still looks like a small little puppy!
Fluffy's mischievous at times and love to bark a lot which kind of irritates the whole family but I still love him lots! He's a treasure and feels like my second brother. Haha, he just seems to understand me and knows when to comfort me :b ! Time passes so quickly... Shall post pictures of him soon! (:

Went Sentosa today. Like, finally I managed to complete something on my wish list. haha! Met Shadame at PRCS bus stop. Saw many people around ISH. Luckily, there's no one I knew. Maybe just that I missed them. Went on to Justacia with Shadame and waited for CY to arrive. Had herbal chicken soup and we left for Sentosa at around 1 plus. Took lots of pictures together and had lots of fun! The only bad thing was I'm so unlucky to be down with flu when I'm out to have fun! :( Oh man... CY even called me "Rudolph"... >< haha, keep sneezing... Better recover by tomorrow as there's work tomorrow! :x Like finally~ My passport pass is done! Had enough of rotting at home. Looking forwrd to a new environment and meeting new people! Well, at least I manage to some sort relax my mind. It feels so nice when the waves hits the sands and my leg. I should do this again sometime when I'm not having flu.. :x Shall posts the pictures on Facebook soon. Feel like changing a new profile picture but the thing is, I just changed it not long ago. haha, oh well! ~ (:


What exactly are you thinking, why can't I just forget everything about you?? :/

A brand new year- 2013!

Spent the last few days at Sean's chalet. I had lots of fun and laughters at the chalet. It was quite different from what I've thought. Was expecting it to be awkward and weird.. Especially I'm not a very sociable kind. However, I enjoyed myself and met lots of new friends. Haha, awesome bunch. Well, count down at the chalet as well. Ended 2012 there. I seemed happy but I'm pretty sure at some point in time, I felt a little down. Well... As said a brand new year, a brand new start. However, somehow I just don't feel a new start. I just wished that in 2013, everything will go on smoothly, my family and friends to be healthy, safe and happy. Of course and for me to change for the better although, I've changed quite a lot ever since... (: Well, last but not least, a happy new year to everyone!

Recent updates! (:

So, it's my birthday on 161012!
I've turned 17 years old! Haha(: what satisfaction? Had awesome celebrations with friends by having lunch at Ehub Hong Kong Streats cafe and Fatfish steam boat at night with my lovely family! It's totally awesome! Although if he is here too, everything would be so perfect... I guess, it'll never happen though.. Well, at least the birthday wish from him made my day too. Was quite surprised..? Though I'm kinda jealous as someone else seems super close to him right now... :/ No point getting upset over it. Well, anyway, I've enjoyed my birthday a lot! I appreciated all the birthday wishes and thankful to Shadame, Chang Yen, Julisa and Rahel for planning an advanced birthday celebration with me due to exams. They really surprise me alot! Glad to meet them in my kind of miserable secondary school life. They light up my mood every single time! (:

Today is 191012.
Went to study with Rachel, CK, Jeremy. KJ was there too, JM joined after. Stomachache the whole day. Didn't know what's wrong with my digestive system recently... Was sick yesterday though. Luckily I got better today to make it for studying! Went to the toilet and when I came back... Guess what? I saw him! :/ Didn't know to be happy or sad. I've been seeing him frequently every single day. At least 2-3 times. Fate, or is it just god playing with me?! Haiz... This whole thing just seemed so weird... :/ Oh well, everything's after os now! 3 more days to O levels! How scary is that? O.o hope vetting turns out well! :D good luck and all the best to those who are taking O's this year! Especially my close and lovely ones! 

I miss you..

The story of us... I miss it alot.. How can you pretend that there's nothing between us at all.. :/ I wish things do get better and when I ask you after O levels if you still want me in your life, the answer is the one I want.. I hope that by then, things are different.. Different in a better and good way.. I really miss and need you with me... :( I miss the old us before. And not by pretending every now and then.. :( I love you... I do hope that you still do, or you've find the feelings back... :/

5/10/12
You messaged me first yesterday. Upon receiving the message, I was surprised and happy. Although you messaged me to notify me that you're not going for tuition, but you asked me about if I knew that there's lesson. At least you care.. Even if it's only school matters. It really brightens my day. At least I know that you still have that tiny bit of care for me. Maybe, by leaving you alone for awhile... It at least makes you think about me.. I just hope that there's more of these.. We managed to chat alittle, and I felt happy and contented because it's been long since we've talked. Maybe you really do care but you refuse to show it to me.. I hope so too. Hope that this is the case and by end of O levels, you'll find the feeling back again.. Because I've really changed and I'm sure you've realized it too. Now that I know about the mistake, I just hope to at least try again so that I can do it better. I have never ever regretted being with you. Not for once at all. Because I didn't treasure you enough. Even if we are unable to get back together again... Then maybe it's because we aren't fated... No one knows about the future. Guess, I'll just let nature take its course. But I really do hope that you can be normal and easy with me like before. I wished that we can interact more like before...
6/10/12
I didn't know why you can just meet me right after class to get your worksheet but you didn't want instead you want to get from me on Monday, the funny thing is on Sunday, we'll see one another in science tuition.. Maybe you just didn't want to let others know that we've interact or I don't know.. I just hope that things do change for the better. Although maybe now.. You still have got feelings for her. It's just hope but I hope it's not wishful thinking only. I hope you realize my change and find back what we've lost or we can just build it again. I'll be waiting. Because apparently, you've stolen my heart before I even knew it. You seem essential in my life now I guess. I just hope that you'll know.. Thanks for brightening my day yesterday. (: it really make me feel the hope again.. Although it may not be true. I hope that by the end of year, it doesn't come crashing down on me.. 

Missing you...

I missed you so much! I can't help it time after time to peek at you. Doubt you know this anyway. Just hope that you don't get the wrong idea from all the rumours going around. I missed you yet I can't do anything about it. All I can do is to look through all our happy memories, all our pictures. I think I somehow regretted why didn't I take more photos with your phone. So that you can have more photos of us to view at. Maybe you won't forget me so easily..? I am however glad that I have your photos with me so that I still can remember you in some ways. I am glad that I have the photos so that when I missed you, at least I still can see the times where we smile through and enjoy with one another. How I hope these few days coincidence is on purpose.. Purposely created by you such that you can see me or otherwise.. How I really hope so. But I don't dare to have that high hope.. You don't seem to care about me anymore.. No matter what, I will wait.. Even if it's disappointments and hurting time and time again.. I just hope that at least in a corner of your heart... There's still a place for me. I still love you and I am sure about it.. I just hope that there's a miracle and a chance for us together again.. I really just wish for it. Like what I've said, you're my want and my need as well. Just that I didn't show you the picture in the past. I should have done so. So that you know how important you are to me.. Just so you know at least... :(

:/

It's the 2nd of october today.. Makes me kind of upset because it's the start of my birthday month.. And I don't think that you'll wish me a happy birthday.. Needless to say giving me present or celebrate with me.. This day used to be very special to both you and me.. But I doubt it is special to you anymore. However, to me.. This date will have a special meaning. Although I'm angry or even hate you, I can't completely. There's still this feeling I have for you.. Even so, I have I pretend I don't care at all. Truly speaking, I do. Guess I couldn't let go and hate you like how others do.. I guess throughout all these while, I've grown to like you even more. Just that I didn't realized it earlier and tell you until now.. Although I think this month will be a disappointing month and most probably you're not even thinking of me for a moment, I still hope that on this special day to me there's something from you. Although today is no longer a special day for you, it is to me. I hope that my wish of us together again will be true.. Hope that this is not just wishful thinking but something that'll happen . I don't need any presents or surprises. All I want is you beside me now and in the future. I really do hope you know this..